Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
