Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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