i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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