I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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