I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize