They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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