remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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