At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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