I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
