whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
