Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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