Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
