i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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