I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
