Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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