I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
