haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
