Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
