So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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