I'm so fucking centered right now
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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