Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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