Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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