apparently the secret to your success is patron
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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