I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
