I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
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I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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