I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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