i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You have to summon your inner elephant
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
