I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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