Define "chronic" masturbator.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
