8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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