This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
