used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
