If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
