the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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