On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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