i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Even my vagina gasped.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
