Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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