I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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