We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
