Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
