Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How does one acquire holy water?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
