he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
