she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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