When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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