my mouth tastes like poor choices
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
