Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
