we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You did what with his pubic hair?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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