So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
