How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
