oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Quick, to the slutcave!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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