I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
