I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
