you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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