im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together