Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.