I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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