dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
