So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
