I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
