There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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