But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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