OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
