the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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