Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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