I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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