He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
