She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize