I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
