my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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