He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
