so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
