I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
