Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
