1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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